I don’t usually post personal things, but today is my 60th birthday. I have had so many changes over the last year and I have learned many things.
My husband died November 20, 2016. He was only 68, but cancer doesn’t care how old you are or how much you are loved. Earlier this month, I almost had to put my dog down (he is almost 16) because he wasn’t eating and he was getting very weak. It turns out that he had a terrible infection in his mouth. He had dental surgery yesterday, 10 teeth removed and his teeth cleaned, and he is doing pretty good. Of course he now loves his Ceasar’s slices that he has been eating. I have a 5 bedroom home and half an acre of property that I am suddenly taking care of on my own and not doing too badly. I gained back all the weight I lost 4 years ago and am now having some minor health issues.
I did not write this post for your sympathy, but to share what I have learned over the past year.
Do not be afraid to ask family and friends for help when you need it. I wanted to be strong and do everything, but I can’t. My family and friends wanted me to ask for their help and they gave it willingly. they didn’t know what I needed until I finally asked.
Get out and enjoy life when you can, dinner or coffee with a friend are so invigorating.
Having a social life is so important. Talking and laughing with them gives my spirit such a life. Everyone needs the power of laughter.
Prayer is a powerful thing. I meet once a week with some ladies from my church for dinner and a devotional, and this has helped me deal with my grief so much. I did not go to any bereavement meetings, but this group of ladies was my support group. They knew my husband, but not well. They hugged me physically and emotionally and have come to mean so much to me. Praying with them has given me strength.
Pets are a God send. Cuddling my dog at night has helped so much. I was devastated when I though I was going to have to put my dog to sleep, especially in November. He knows when I am sad and need his closeness. Sitting on my lap watching the Toronto Maple Leafs play hockey just like when Ray was here gives me comfort. I don’t know if I will get another dog when he is gone, but having him has made a big difference over the last year.
We are capable of so much more than we ever imagined. I was worried about whether I would be able to take care of the house. I love living here, it has so many memories and I am not ready to move on. I had to make decisions about what I could and could not do, but I did it. I hired some people to do things (paint, open and close the pool) and chose not to do some (no garden this year, but I will have one next summer) but I surprised myself at what I could do, I have been able to take care of the yard and house (although not to the same level as Ray did) and I even learned how to use some of his tools.
Spend time with your family! I never thought my daughter and I would be able to spend a lot of time together, let alone 2 weeks on vacation, but we did and had a great time. We are closer now than ever! I love spending time with my children and grandchildren and cherish the time we spend together.
Overall, it has been a year of firsts for me and I know there will be more. I can do it with the help of my family, friends, neighbours, church family and God’s presence in my life. I have found comforts such as reading more, watching Hallmark movies on television and enjoying theater performances. We can do so much more than we ever thought we could and this year I proved it.
November 29, 2017 at 3:28 pm
Carla, you have sure had one heck of a year but I really admire your attitude and especially that you rely on prayer for guidance, I am a huge fan of prayer myself. I just had to also say welcome to the Sensational 60s Club–I turned 60 in August–our graduating class had had a big party this past June. I’m so sorry your sweet Ray isn’t around anymore but I was relieved to read you didn’t have to put your little dog down, he looks like such a cutie! And dogs are definitely a huge source of comfort and companionship–no replacement for the humans missing in our lives but still lots of friendship and cuddles. I had to smile at you and your daughter’s picture–my daughter and I are really close too. She’s our only child, 27 now, so she tries to spend time with both her dad and me doing things we each like to do. I feel fortunate she still lives here. Have a very blessed Christmas and here’s to a much better new year for you! Prayers and strength for you! ❤
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November 29, 2017 at 4:28 pm
Thanks so much. Family is so important anytime. You have a wonderful and blessed Christmas as well.
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November 29, 2017 at 5:09 pm
Great post Carla. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and offering such great advice. I commend you for being so strong in the face of everything you’ve gone through in the past year. Also, your pup is super cute! 🙂
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November 29, 2017 at 5:31 pm
Thanks Nel, I think he is too.
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November 29, 2017 at 7:17 pm
You are an inspiration Carla. Thanks for sharing your experiences – and Happy 60th!
(I hope your dog makes a full recovery).
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November 29, 2017 at 8:36 pm
Thanks Lynne.
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November 29, 2017 at 9:05 pm
Wow. What a year. Happy 60th! You are amazingly resilient and it sounds like you are surrounded by a lot of love and support. May your 61st year be all that you want and need. 🙂
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November 30, 2017 at 1:23 am
Thanks so much. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family and great friends.
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November 29, 2017 at 9:29 pm
Happy Birthday, Carla! What an inspirational post. Thank you for being brave enough to share. I’m sorry for your loss but be proud of all the firsts you’ve achieved this year. I hope you’ve had a brilliant birthday that will be followed by a happy, healthy, loving and fun future – with lots of great books to read, as well!
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November 30, 2017 at 1:22 am
Thanks do much.
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November 29, 2017 at 11:24 pm
Happy Birthday! I am so sorry you have had to go through so much, you are such an inspiration 🙂
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November 30, 2017 at 1:21 am
Thanks, I’m hoping for a better year ahead.
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November 30, 2017 at 12:31 am
Happy 60th Carla. Thank you for sharing your life lessons with us. Big hugs.
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November 30, 2017 at 4:58 am
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure such challenges in your life, especially the death of your husband. I remember when you mentioned his passing in a past post. I felt so sad for you. You’re a survivor though, and it looks like you’re learning ways to cope and get on with life. Prayer is a wonderful thing, isn’t it? I’m so glad your dog pulled through. Our cat, that will be 17 in December, gave us a scare last year. We really thought we were going to lose him, but thankfully he’s been better and he’s still hanging in there. Pets can be such a comfort, especially dogs. I enjoy your reviews, and I wish you all the best going forward.
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November 30, 2017 at 12:15 pm
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am truly blessed.
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November 30, 2017 at 9:07 pm
Carla, I’m so sorry you lost your husband and are dealing with health issues. I’m thankful that your pup was okay! I love all the advice you have given here. You are so strong and I feel so lucky to have you as a friend. Take care, Carla. Hugs ❤
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December 1, 2017 at 12:53 pm
Thanks do much. I have had quite the year, but look forward to a better 2018. I am so glad I met you through blogging. One of the positive side effects.
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December 1, 2017 at 12:54 pm
Thanks so much. I have had quite the year, but look forward to a better 2018. I am so glad I met you through blogging. One of the positive side effects.
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